revive '85!

That looks like something a Klingon would eat.

It's called trust. Manager Mike Matheny leans on his veterans to police the clubhouse. If someone doesn't fit in, Matheny will hear about it.

This is in contrast to joining the Angels, where you get three texts asking if you know where Josh Hamilton is.

Hasn't it already been made abundantly clear how much St. Louis hates chocolate sprinkles?

The next installment of Adequate Man...

Keep supporting the multi-billion dollar corporation and the MLB, fellow Yankee fans!

(Most of the) QBs Andre Johnson had during his career:
David Carr
Tony Banks
Dave Ragone
Matt Schaub
Sage Rosenfels
TJ Yates
Case Keenum
Ryan Fitzpatrick
Tom Savage

That is a fucking travesty. Andre Johnson put all-time great numbers with those guys throwing him the ball. We all saw what Larry Fitzgerald did with a couple years…

Actually...

Last time I saw Jon Stewart kick anybody that hard in the dick, it was Tucker Carlson on Crossfire.

Weed laws in Colorado. Exhibit A.

No surprise the noble Dukies are aghast at sharing the wealth with those commoners up north.

This is a bit ahead of schedule—usually it's not until next month that Duke fans get mad while watching mid-major teams on TV.

Say what you want about Chris Farley in 2015, but at least he hasn't sunk as low as Rob Schneider.

If any team deserves a mascot who actively hates the organization that employs him, it's the Sixers.

Well, Tom, if you can think of a better term to describe songs from The Sound Of Music, I'd sure like to hear it.

He'll probably throw combustible lemons at you and burn your house down.

/calls parents right this goddamn instant because I'm terrified of what J.K. Simmons will do to me

Shallow wisdom compared to Sofia Coppola, who's been phoning it in for decades.

J Jonah Jameson: "Call your mom, call your dad. If you are lucky enough to have a parent or two alive on this planet, call them."