Just thinking about this gave me a mad case of the bubbleguts. Urgthhhbbbbtt. Cauliflower and broccoli are why Nikola Tesla invented cheese, bobby finger. And why Thomas Edison created vegetable boullion cubes. Don’t do this to yourself again.

yes, straight-up peed the couch for that one.

if I say that I’m a centaur, does that make me a centaur as much as Paul Ryan saying he’s a policy wonk? because nothing he says suggests that he understands actual policy. D=Dickpatrick

I’m a admit that I don’t think leggings are pants, but the barrage of shamey unclever memes that are smeared on the book of the Face assure me that this is not the hill I’m going to die on, not even the sartorial one. Leggings may not be pants but female bodies are not a crime.

or I dunno, let it ease out. subtlety. dang that’s nast.

My spousal unit has suggested Venus Williams as the next Storm, which would be totally badazz. But Beyonce looks really good. Not that she ever doesn’t.

Have this guy and Martin Shkreli ever been seen together because I uh thought that was who it was.

Sometimes it seems like the entire GOP including the Trump campaign is a vast Clintonian conspiracy. It would be hard to attract so much favorable attention just by being good on your own.

I made these fritters

spinach ricotta gnocchi. baked sweet potato fritters with lime sauce. fake mortadella sandwiches. i am also gassy, cheers.

probably we could all take a little less blood pressure medication if we quit facebook. that is hiiiiideous.

sweet jeebus the cheekbones are criminal...

come to the u.s. it’s like 1079 days....

WOULD TOTALLY EAT after 20+ years with no meat. WELCOME, edible tissue culture, I miss the cured meats the most, can there be a bacon one?

My cousin is in training to become a JAG (it is actually a real thing) and she is going to specialize in sexual assault cases. Hooray? At one point (in her early 20s, she is forgiven) she tried to tell me that Jezebel is too reactionary. I’m like, c u in the comments? I mean, I wish she could hold on to that attitude…

I live in Europe where they don’t Halloween. When I first meet people and I am introduced as an American, their first question is if trick-or-treat is a real thing besides in the movies. They’re always totally incredulous. Someone plz send me a care package of teeth-rotting joy, I miss u ‘Murca.

I have a friend in astro who presented some of her findings to this guy and otherwise interacted with him occasionally. She says he’s a butthead to everyone, men included, which is often the case for people who engage in this kind of entitled behavior. I don’t know what the appropriate way to deal with this kind of…

Wowow this is really well done. More of these plz?

If your 8-year-old nephew can fracture your wrist, you probably should drink more milk or something. Dang, I know kids are bigger nowadays, but you need to do squats or something, lady, build that bone mass.

This might be unwise, but may I suggest, as a childless person, that the new moms/dads make a tiny bit of time every now and then for people who haven’t followed their exact path? I know people who become more themselves-more focused, just as interesting-when they become parents, and I know people (sadly my ex-best…