Yeah-if I make it to 85 it’s going to be all kaftans all the time, ‘cept the weekend, when I get out my muumuus. In my mid-30s and already showing a strong preference for elastic waistbands.

Whoa whoa everyone’s so ambitious and I’m trying to be slog out a cold so I had Orange for dinner-ramen noodles with pureed squash and cream cheese and a mango lassi for dessert. ORANGE.

I am a proud owner of a pretty thick abdominal shelf myself, but I ask you, good people of Jezebel: what is going on with the Congressman’s midsection?

that is a GREAT idea. I suggested to my (pregnant at the time) friend that drug makers try to find an effective morning sickness medication and she was all heat up, saying haven’t you heard of thalidomide?? and I’m like, I’m a geedee toxicologist, yes, you want me to draw it for you?? does that mean we can’t ever…

Said it before and I still want to know-why is that we have computers we can put in our pockets, but we can’t grow babies in tanks? No babies here, terrified of pregnancy, a few years short of being too old for it, no idea what to do. Ha ha.

oh god, sorry. things have dwindled with my bf of 29 years (since we were 7, so that archive line is perfect) since she had a baby-she’s become very dismissive of me and so I let it lapse, and she couldn’t be bothered to pick it up again. it’s terrible, it wakes me up at night.

Blowing my nose. WOOOO glamaaah

I had delusions of entering an apple dessert contest on the weekend. I made a BelVita breakfast cookie crust (they’re like pecan sandies sans pecans) and a vanilla pastry cream that I mixed with apples pieces that I cooked in lemon juice and cinnamon and nutmeg and cardamom, and then I made a streusel top and cut up…

Absolutely. I worked in a food bank for a few years, and although there were plenty of great laypeople volunteering and helping people in need, the people who consistently lay down their life to care for the homeless, provide for the hungry, help undocumented immigrants, fight for the incarcerated, etc. etc. etc. were…

This is some journalistic sacrifice. I hope you get an extended vacation for your efforts.

Holy shit I work in university administration and how did he get away with that for 4 YEARS? We have to meticulously document everything and write regular financial reports, and srsly chronic eyestrain is going to be the end of me-how did they miss that?

Cider donuts will help whatever ails you about mortality and fall and all that.

Huma Abadin 2020, who’s with me?

They don’t know what (tortas) they’re missing.

No idea. I’m sure it’s proprietary. But they really do taste like b-day cake.

dawg, it’s mouldy.

try the birthday cake ones! better living through chemistry.

All the love and congratulations from the heteronormative guinea pigs! Many years of happiness to you and yours.

Mont PEEL yerrr, baybee.