Are you saying it’s wrong to throw beer bottles at my cat?

I’m a former Hill staffer. There are zillions of events going on on the Hill at any given time. My boss had trouble knowing every damn event on her own calendar let alone everything else that might be happening. There’s no way any one Member can confidently* say that there are no intern or spouse events going on at…

A birthday cake is a hot dog, please

Hey, Takeout…

Did you somehow draw national attention to systemic racism this week?

Wow, classy move, especially after the disrespect his parents showed him by naming him “Duke.”

For those of us who love cooking, it’s just another reason to throw down as a family. 

1) Of course wearing a lacy thong doesn’t mean you’re “open to meeting someone and being with someone”

It is foul and bitter and tastes of unwashed hands.

their food is actually really good. 

Pal you probably paid like 1/4 we did for school and made twice what we did after graduation, the situation you experienced was similar but not even remotely the same level of being screwed over

But you had one thing going for you that Millennials don’t - opportunity.

Monopoly is the Troy McClure of board games.

Not to be outdone, Milton Bradley says “Battleship” is now “Predator Drone,” and instead of targeting the other player’s ships, you try to limit the civilian casualties when targeting al-Qaeda’s No. 3.

David Mitchell said it perfectly on BBC’s Qi.

I was delivering pizza, not waiting tables. But someone did ask for a smile once. I told em,

Uggghh, dude. Do not misappropriate this problem. If I am approaching a customer at a table or the bar, I absolutely come to them with a friendly smile.

“Do I have to smile while I’m waiting tables?”

His Simpsons appearance is one of my favorite things from that show