opinionatedonion
Opinionated Onion
opinionatedonion

Same. I ended up with an author search.

The kindle store is a wormhole and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

I’m too old to still be dating fuckboys but I do it anyway because I’m a poor judge of character and like to complain.

A designated location where humans hit each other until one of them has been hit so many times they let the other human know they no longer wish to be hit again. Aka “sports”

I’m not surprised. Almonds have such tiny nipples, they would be very difficult to milk.

If I were Angie, I would have asked Kate: why the bad eyeliner all the time?

Nope, having done both types, ghosting is worse. It tears at your self-esteem and soul. At least with a scream, you get stuff off your chest. Ghosting is easier for the person who does it but it’s cruel. Cruel.

I would much rather be told in no uncertain terms “I don’t think we should see each other anymore” than have to figure out why the person isn't returning my texts or calls. Avoiding confrontation on your part doesn't make it any less painful for the other person when they finally figure out they're never going to hear

He’s hot. Like, Jimmy Stewart hot. Which is hot, nonetheless.

I sometimes pretend that I’m GhostofCourtneyStoddensBoobs. But who here doesn’t?

i saw this on twitter and i dont think i’ll ever be the same

Does the pope masturbate?

Get some therapy. I am a very smart woman in general but keep making this mistake with SOs (not my ex-boyfriends, according to them, but I will call them that when I don’t feel like explaining). I’ve been in therapy for a while specifically to address this problem because it eventually makes me doubt myself and all

Hello All. Long time lurker, first time poster here. Today was a pretty good day. I went for a bike ride, had some family time & did some errands. This typical day was not possible a couple weeks ago because I have depression. I’m so glad not to be numb today, that I can get out of bed and actually go outside &

I think everyone goes through this rage when an ex finds someone new (and moves way faster in this relationship than ever before). When it happened to me I realized I was pissed off because it was proof that he just didn’t want to go steady/serious/all the way with me. Before that I’d tell myself he was broken and

Crushes are the devil, and nothing but time or a more charming guy with a backpack can cast them out.

Why is it difficult when our ex’s find someone new? We can be logical and rational but it’s still a punch to the chest. Plus it’s really difficult for your friends because they have to stand at least ten feet away from you, because they have to drive, and the red wine fumes coming off of you would put them over the

omg. your current outlook is what i’m trying to get to rn. i haven’t been able to kick homeboy off the pedestal i built for him yet a few weeks after the rejection. and yeah, i’d absolutely still like to hit that, many more times. fuck feelings, man. friends and booze, that’s all a girl really needs.

I pretty much lost interest in dating when I was rejected by a guy not too long ago. It’s rare for me to like someone in a romantic way, so when I do, I feel all the feels, but he had no feels for me and it really sucked. I think the problem is that humans put certain people on a pedastal and when they disappoint you,

If the kid has allergies and has to be on a special prescription formula, $80 a week is not an exaggeration.