Hatches, ranked:

We also haven’t received a raise in 5 years, while illegal aliens, people who shouldn’t be here, receive free home, health care, food, and welfare.

I wholeheartedly reject this idea. The GOP has done nothing to warrant being treated by anything less than children. They’ve fucked this country up since 2001 and have brought it damn near to a standstill since 2009. They get nothing. They don’t get points for losing their campaigns and standing by this clown for so…

Sadly, we’ll only know how rich he is if he released his tax returns but he won’t because of all that money he gave NAMBLA.

A triple-triple sounds like Prince Fielder’s order when they send for burgers

That’ll be inadmissible under FRE 408 as part of plea negotiations.

Whenever someone uses the word “jamoke,” I have a sudden, irresistible urge to seek out the nearest Arby’s.

If we need you can we put you in there?

Confucius say, woman who spend much time on bedspring soon get offspring.

“We have an investigation ongoing... by officers from the department’s Sex Offense Squad.” a Buffalo police source said.

Me too. I have a dog that is afraid of plates. Dinner plates, butter plates, dessert plates. He does exactly this if you hold a plate out to him.

No wonder his self-given nickname Johnny Motherfucker didn’t stick.

And Phil Luckett concurs.

Before the insults start, how many of you Philadelphia keyboard warriors would willingly risk injury to your Peters?

I was totally ready to withhold judgment into I got to the part about Peyton hiring Ari Freaking Fleischer. Now I know the accusations are true.

Ari Fleischer as the ‘crisis manager’. There’s a beacon of truth for you. What, was Tommy Flanagan busy?

I went from “Woah!” to “Bored with it” in record time with this story.

That would explain Peyton’s gigantic melon.

Not losing sleep does not equal hiring crisis manager.