Tea. Earl Gray. Motherfucker.

My love of dinosaurs sneaks up in the night and murders my critical thinking. And then it walks away like it was nothing.

...Laura Dern inherits Star Wars.

Like I wouldn’t mind so much if they weren’t canonical to the show like if they started a Xmas episode with the Doctor reading a book or something like that as a framing device.

“He then folded his arms, scowled and farted. He farted and farted until he sharted. He sharted until he pooped. He pooped so much there was a pile. And it raised him up just a little bit. Then he pooped so much there was a hill. And it raised him up just a little bit more. Eventually he pooped a mountain. And then he…

It’s kind of a Star Trek Into Darkness or Man of Steel, where it got generally positive reviews when it came out and made plenty of money, but to look at the internet several months later would be to think it’s the worst movie ever made.

Oh please. Nobody’s gonna be surprised by the Easter Bunny. It’s been an open secret in the holiday mascot industry for decades.

The only guide I needed was my common sense which promptly directed me in the opposite direction from this game.

You have to screw up pretty bad to worry about fucking Star Wars underperforming.

He doesn’t even have to raise his voice. “Do you wish to resign?”

I’ve taken quite a liking to these regular Patrick Stewart interview clips. Please keep them coming.

I’ll come at you for a high-five.

Trump: “Fake Frenchman!”

Bewteen the slicked back, long hair and the denim jacket, I feel like he’s really channeling Bob from Twin Peaks.

“Did you get a haircut?” —my boyfriend after I put on a bit of eyeliner

In the US that would take a hell of a lot of processing power. You sure the power grid can handle it?

He was recently asked about his “greatest memory” comment in an interview:

BREAKING NEWS: This just in, all of these people are rapists.

Well, pat yourselves on the back, Mr. and Mrs. AVClub.

Yeah, for real. If he’d just play ball he’d be on easy street, but instead he’s taking a bat to the money printing machine.