Books that people forced into my hands that I later poured coffee on

Nothing worse than linguinies that are picked too soon. Grilling them more won't even make them tender.

i'm not judging anybody! jesus christ

"He may be mentally ill, but he's also a fucking terrorist."

Right, all of those overly sensitive black people.

And slaves in the house were treated better than slaves in the cotton fields... but they were still slaves.

Yeah, but that TruCoat...

Want to help? Enough Said, an organization recently set up by the Michigan Women's Foundation, the Wayne County Prosecutor's Office (run by the über-awesome Kym Worthy) and the Detroit Crime Commission, is currently raising funds in order to help finish testing Detroit's 11,000 forgotten/mislaid/backlogged rape kits.…

I want you to be my mommy.

My mother is a horror show but I invited her dress shopping because she was in town for the weekend and I figured it was just a day…what could go wrong. Anyway, it wasn't too bad until we got to a dress she loved and I was "meh." Then they brought out another dress and it was "THE ONE". I loved it. It loved me.…

I blame the glorification of thuggishness that pervades white culture...a level of disrespect that is too often passed down from white parents (especially white single parents) to their white children.

It should be offered as a community college course. Monogrammed Thermosery, and the advanced class, Embossed Monogrammed Thermosery (plus embroidery for the particularly keen student).

Last night I had a dream where maggots kept bursting out of everything around me - my phone, my pillow, the carpets, the doors — and that ham and cream cheese omelet has grossed me out even worse. It just sounds like a perfect combo of awfulness in taste, appearance, and texture.

literally kill your friend

Cult Cuts is the best typo ever and possibly my new indie band name.

I work in a coffeeshop. If someone asked for a coffee latte I would think either their confused/dumb or they wanted an cafe au lait which is coffee with steamed milk. It's waaaay more helpful if you know what you want when you're screaming at us for it....

I've paid my dues in coffee shops, and honestly, you get like 3 of that person a day. If they wanted to argue, I probably would have just put steamed milk in a drip coffee and sent them on their way. Otherwise, yeah, you just give them what they meant instead of what they said and move on to the next tip-generating…

but if you assume you know what the customer meant when they ordered a "coffee latte" you'd be just as likely to find out they meant they really wanted a green tea smoothie or an iceberg lettuce wedge covered in ranch dressing and bacos.

Sadly, I have end stage renal failure, and the kidney diet restricts cheese and dairy products because they are high in phosphorous (failing kidneys and dialysis machines can't filter out excess phosphorous, and can lead to complications). The kidney diet does state you can have cream cheese, and you can put it in…