both of my parents are deaf. My dad's an asshole. So there's that.

Red velvet cupcakes = red. The first time it happened, I was scared.

I remember eating ten one time. My teeth hurt for a day or so afterwards.

Wait for the hasidic landlord to demolish the place and then claim you're an anti semitic for confronting them about it. Google it. Joel Israel.

"A dog is a tiny tragedy waiting to happen"

THERE SECONDS! THREE FUCKING SECONDS! that's how long it took to make me cry. Fuck you Chevrolet. You don't know what it's like. I have an eleven year old Chihuahua with a brain tumor. Don't you dare equate your shit box rust bucket with the love of my fucking life.

Her picture is threatening me. I feel I need to stand my ground.

Ted Cruz says they're not trying hard enough...

Well it sure ain't temple Beth Israel.

I get it that the stone will take care of the kids, but what are two birds gonna do with the snow? Flap it onto the neighbors driveway?

Everyone wants to know... Where are the pictures?

I can accept that... http://m.eater.com/archives/2012/…

On my way! Just make sure there's extra horseradish and nix the celery.

Oh, I forgot to mention.... This was at 9 pm.

I should tell you about the time I ran an establishment out of bloody Mary mix.

Yes, Mitsubishi sure knows how to appeal to consumers. How are they doing nowadays?

Yes, they've learned that people in the Chinese market will grossly over pay for something with a dragon or a horse or whatever animal of the year is embroidered into the headrest.

She's black! Therefore offensive. Florida shoots for the win.

ekatarina gil.

PENNY!