Or, you could just salt the skin liberally with Lawry’s. 

Welcome to America in 2019, where a Republican president orders private businesses how to run their operations and where free market capitalism is a communist idea. 

I was pleasantly surprised by Trump today.

Antwerp: We’re not even in Denmark!

If Denmark doesn’t immediately agree to sell Greenland to me, I will nuke Antwerp.

It's beautiful, unethical, and dangerous. And practically guaranteed to piss off Lucius Fox. 

Can someone slip him a chalice of poisoned Diet Coke?

You know, at least when Hamlet was beefing with the rulers of Denmark, he had the decency to die at the end.

Pro Tip: When complaining about how the Jews don't love you, don't call yourself the Second Coming of Christ. 

This reminds me of that time that Hermann Goering had a recurring role on “My Three Sons.”

And when you are driving two small children to the beach and you’ve just gotten over the Bay Bridge and there’s still another 90 minutes to go and the baby is waking up and the 4 year-old needs to stretch her legs and both need a CLEAN bathroom and the restaurant you absolutely know your kids will eat is Chik Fil-A,…

The economy is doing amazing and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise using facts, figures, and key indicators is a lying liar who is lying to you.

Listen up, tomato...

Keep telling yourself that the 1% was the only beneficiary of the SALT deduction.

Let us not forget that the people who were the greatest victims of slavery were the slave owners.

Maybe Newt should have kept his mouth shut.

Not unexpected.

I am an idiot and I am married to the greatest woman in the world.

Each other. 

If unmarried women aren't supposed to be having sex, then who are unmarried men going to have sex with?