Again, you are taking an environment with overcrowded classrooms filled with children being overseen by overworked and undercompensated and undertrained staff with varying degrees of existing security personnel already in place and then INTRODUCING GUNS INTO THE MIX.

I have only been able to mow the leaves once this season because of the rain. You can't run a riding mower in the mud. 

There are a lot of takes that UMass could have gone.

I’m just outside of DC.

So basically the Disney marketing for "Brave." 

Justin Bieber is MacCauley Culkin: The Next Generation. 

Liz Phair doesn't want to be associated with that tweet. 

I have a three year old daughter. She never shuts up. Every little thought that even contemplates considering crossing her little unformed mind spills right out of her mouth. Absolutely no thought in her head goes by without her saying it out loud.

There is no such thing as Bad Winter when you have a sheepdog.

If you get busted for possession in Baltimore County, it is worth noting thar there is a dispensary located DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE COURTHOUSE IN TOWSON. 

Let James Brown's (in)famous mug shot be an object lesson in why you shouldn't conk your hair. 

My mom used to do criminal defense. Her clients would almost invariably say that she had to get them a better plea bargain because, “I can’t do that much time.”

If eating Chipotle wasn't risky enough, you can further up your odds of E. coli infection by putting romaine lettuce in your ersatz burrito. 

I think that the solution is obvious.

Puppy mills and backyard breeders scare me. All I can say is never adopt a dog on a whim.

With the exception of the metropolitan areas, once you’re north of Sacramento, the entire Pacific northwest is basically West West Virginia.

Marzipan is really taking to being the nanny dog. She checks the baby for breathing, gives her a kiss if she cries, and generally keeps an eye on her.

You know why most bananas taste like shit?

For the past two weeks, we’ve been dealing with a particularly nasty bug. It ain’t the flu. It ain’t Strep, or at least not Strep a. It’s bacterial, because it responds to antibiotics, so it’s not rhinovirus. It hit my daughter first, giving her fevers of 104 and 105. Then I got it, after sleeping in her room to…

What the hell does “close the Mexican border entirely” even mean? Does it mean no border crossings either way across the US-Mexico border for anyone? Does it mean no imports from Mexico?