I was always told to be on my best behavior. For starters, you never know if that person is going to wind up on your jury panel. And also, all they have to do is file a complaint against you with the Bar.

A) This lady was evidently a classmate of mine at New York Law School.

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For the Bible thumpers out there, I leave you with this:

There is a terrifying amount of callousness, hatred, vindictiveness, and indifference in the above quote.

“You can’t do that! What if he’s a loser?!”

“I take full responsibility for each act that I pled guilty to: the personal ones to me, and those involving the President of the United States of America.”

The most successful graduate of the worst law school in America is going to prison. 

My wife does not want me sharing many of my childhood movies with our kids.

His supporters are already revolting. 

Chris Christie is also being rumored to be a potential candidate for the Chief of Staff position, making for this possible awkward conversation at the White House:

That... is not how debt collection works.

Watership Down is also a story about traumatizing the ever-loving fuck out of children by showing rabbits mauling the shit out of each other in a gory animated movie. 

Vodka.

I don’t care if it’s a majestic 8 foot-tall ungulate that symbolizes the primal sublime beauty of the North American tundra. If a motherfucking moose rings my doorbell - even by accident - and wakes up my baby from her nap, I will fucking murder that moose dead and everyone that moose ever cared about.

Noted Texan dipshit Louie Gohmert took to the airwaves to trot out the old “George Soros is a Nazi collaborator” line on Fox Business today and said that Soros isn’t a real Jew.

Ummmm... What now?

I’m not defending Paulie by any means. I’m just saying he wasn’t as stupid as Donald J. LePetomane Trump.

Just because she’s not out there actively defending her father’s use of tear gas against children (like her sister did) doesn’t mean that she isn’t a walking, talking sack of shit like the rest of her clan.

You should always rewatch Goodfellas.