Sneak peak of Sunday’s crossword:

34 Across: A grandstanding Republican who makes a big fuss about being such a Never Trumper who promises to take a principled stance but invariably votes the party line after sucking down some sweet, sweet cable news airtime. Examples include Susan Collins, Jeff Flake, Lindsay Graham.

1…

Generally the exchange after is along the lines of “Let me know when you need me to pay you back.” And, unless you’re an unrepentant douchebag, the response is, “Forget about it. Just buy me a drink sometime.”

Always keep fresh broccoli, spinach, rice, and white fingerling potatoes stocked. Those are sides that can be made in a variety of ways and always please. Even with just salt and pepper, that’s four different side combinations.

That's how you make Buffalo wings. Mix butter and Frank's Red Hot. 

In the circles I travel in, that’s what is known as the Floating $20. If you’re short one night, someone will spot you. They don’t ask you to pay them back. Instead, if someone else is short another time, spot them.

He’s a federal judge. It’s a lifetime appointment.

Trump doesn’t use cocaine because he doesn’t trust himself to not be 100% in control of his faculties. It’s the only aspect of him that is not overwhelmed by the Dunning-Kruger Effect that his abnormal brain has been soaking in for the last 72 years. 

So like Pritzker actually trying to become Governor or is he just a stooge secretly trying to get Rauner re-elected? 

Don’t you understand?! This poor man’s life is in tatters!

You know... If it’s legitimate vote by mail, well the mailbox has a way to shut that whole thing down.

A taco is also a sandwich.

I detonated a lovely bunch of coconuts
There they were, all bundled in a bag
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
“It might be a bomb, please remain calm.”
That’s what the authorities said!

I am now eager to find out what Lin Manuel Miranda has to say about taxonomical distinctions pertaining to sausage sandwiches.

How to arrive at the correct solution:

You can also turn your schmaltz into a profit center and sell it for $50 a pound.

Ignorant bullshit spouting from Kanye’s dumpster-fire-fueled mouth.

That’s because Best Chris was, is, and always shall be, Cornell.

She stepped up her nanny dog game. We just had a baby and Marzipan met her on Monday. So far, she has leaned into the carrier to make sure that the baby is breathing. She has also started to hang close by to keep the baby safe.

After weeks of rain, my backyard looks like the mosh pit at Woodstock 99. Marzipan isnt going to be able to go out back for a month. 

Then again, you probably shouldn't be ordering shrimp unless you are dead certain that the shrimp wasn't from a southeast Asian processor. Yes, shrimp from southeast Asia is still produced using slave labor.