I’m inclined to believe that the State of the Uniom snafu was on purpose. Simply because it is such a mind bogglingly boneheaded mistake. I choose to believe that they knew that something like McCabe’s resignation was coming down the pike and they had this in pocket to distract from that and, in some perverted way,…

This is going to be like Season 4 of The Surreal Life where Da Brat called everyone has-beens in the first episode and wondering why she was there until, several episodes later, she suddenly realized EXACTLY WHY SHE WAS THERE.

Marzipan has a big shaggy beard and she’s 24" at the withers. So if I leave the bathroom door open, she drinks out of the toilet and drips toilet water all over the place.

In The End Is Nigh news, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists announced that we are presently at Two Minutes To Midnight on the Doomsday Clock. But what do they know? They’re just a bunch of egghead scientists whose organization has studied the ethical and practical ramifications of nuclear proliferation for the past…

James Franco isn’t nominated for a Grammy.

That’s a much more effective way to end sexual harassment than not raping, molesting, groping, and otherwise pressuring female artists into sex.

Also, you can snort coke off of an iPod.

Josef Stalin had a wonderful singing voice. Mao Tse Tung had an uncanny ability to perfectly match wine to a meal. Pol Pot had a vinyl collection that Jack White described as being “curated by the hand of God.” Saddam Hussain set a Super Mario World 3 speed run record that stands to this very day.

January 19, 2018

“Right now, in a number of states, the law allows a baby to be born from his mother’s womb in the ninth month. It is wrong and it has to change.”

Really? The teacher had to drag race into it?

Appeasers to the left of me. Quislings to the right. And here we are...

Spelling quibble:

I spend about 20-30 minutes a night combing her while watching TV. It’s meditative and soothing.

Pro-lifers are some of the least compassionate people there are. Women don’t get abortions in the final trimester because they don’t feel like being pregnant any more. A woman who has a late term abortion is having it because there is something wrong with the pregnancy - it’s either hazardous to her or the fetus.

I post a dog picture in every Barf Bag. Also on Instagram at henri_and_marzipan.

Y’all remember 500 Days Of Kristen Carbonara?

Yep. They carry Chilly Dog while PetSmart doesn’t.

I’m not sure whether it’s a white country or not. Even though I have years of experience with the World Economic Forum and despite the fact that my name has a silent J in it.