Maybe if you weren’t being such a bitch and a cunt?

I’m now so grateful I’ve never encountered any of these people IRL.

Oh hell no. That’s the point where I call his mom (in front of him, on speaker phone cuz my phone is crap) and tell her he’s moving back in.

IME, it's easier to say "Clean the kitchen". There's no need to be nice about it after a while.

Fuck all that.

Right? One of the reasons my husband wanted to marry me was because I’m so NOT kind, loving or tender. He’s the emotional one with lots of feelings.

Yup.

I really want him to lose his temper in the next debate. He seems like he’s getting sick of Hillary's shit.

Bernie would need to be in a second term to go Full Roosevelt. Like Obama’s newfound DGAF attitude.

I’m an asshole. So I’d start with something nice along the lines of “Wtf is wrong with you, stop talking like this while I’m here”.

He’s a parent now and has to suck it up and realize it’s not about him. Pretty sure that’s somewhere in the first 5 steps of parenting (I made that last thing up)

Agreed. The several months that I had a Star Wars soundtrack tape stuck in the tape deck felt pretty epic.

I hate cuddling. Unless it’s the dogs, at least they don’t sweat and aren't trying to bear hug me all night.

Mr. Farticus recently spent the better part of 3 months sleeping on the couch after he had foot surgery (and had to keep his foot elevated).

Theft is the original “American Ingenuity"!

I’d have already murdered him.

Right?! Ugh, no pictures until it’s clean. And past that red, rashy, wrinkled old man phase.

Right? This combined with the memory of the last 2 winters in Michigan is making me paranoid as fuck.

She spent the 70s and 80s in England.

If my weird friend can get a visit from Homeland Security because of shit he said on the internet in 2007, these people are TOTALLY candidates for a visit.