I don’t think he’ll get flustered.

This does sum up a good portion of my period experience. But I'm good at talking myself off the ledge with pizza, wine, and a big fat joint. Can't have those things if I kill all humans.

I'd be having myself checked out for bone cancer or osteoporosis. Unless that 8 year old was so high on cake he developed the strength of a gorilla.

My husband just had bones in his foot ground down, cut, and screwed into place. By a podiatrist who is apparently a Big Fucking Deal.

I think seeing Sanders inevitably unleash his temper on someone will be better than wine.

I'm kind of looking forward to a debate that won't make me consume my weight in wine.

American hockey as we know it would collapse. Unless Trump ships in more Russian guys.

I mean, I agree with you, but this is America after all..

A favorite from my high school days..

This is also why the Satanic Temple is doing everything they do right now.

I love Spam. IDGAF.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Salt

I don't know dude.. Americans at an all you can eat seafood buffet...

My aunt said the same thing yesterday. I can’t blame her for not wanting to carry a gun in a room packed with 1st graders. Those kids are the reason she kills a big ass bottle of wine every night.

I try to blame the 20 years she spent smoking shitty weed out of tin foil pipes. When I found out, I bought her a proper glass piece because goddamnit Mom, (at the time) you’re 39.

I just... don't get why she couldn't use her real name.

People need to stop giving their children dog names. It’s just mean to name your kid shit like Sadie.

I have multiple friends named James. We refer to them as things like "Drunk James", "British James", "Fat James", "Southern James", and only one gets to be called James.