Hey now, I fuck one of those names several times a week. I'M the one with the "weird" name in this marriage.

Real talk: Back in 2007 my technologically inept mother asked me to help her set up an email address so she could send out resumes. I showed her that, then told her to figure out what to use as the address while I took a piss.

If he's like my FIL, he keeps falling asleep during the same WW2 documentary every night, and it's ingrained itself into his brain and will be brought up all the time until he finally finishes the damn thing and moves on to the next documentary on his DVR.

Even IUDs can affect you differently though.

Came to add “Gee, I wonder why the Syrian refugees aren’t going to Saudi Arabia or UAE?"

Oh god.

I'm campaigning for an Xmas that involves me getting drunk all day and roasting some sort of beast, then maybe some gifts between Mr. Farticus and I, more drinking, and most importantly, not leaving the house or interacting with family.

Way easier to sneak in flavored vodka too.

I don’t know what’s worse, the prospect of pregnancy or Lyme disease.

I wish we could send our Past Selves messages and see Our reactions to this news.

What if I’d just rather talk to my husband about his own big penis? He’s like, a grown man with body hair, muscles and good tattoos.

Water? Like from the toilet?

IT'S WHAT PLANTS CRAVE

Making boring old spaghetti and meatballs tonight. Gotta do something with all my tomatoes before they rot, and if I don’t trim the fucking basil plant it will go to seed.

She smokes A LOT of weed the minute she gets home.

Nah, that was just normal anger during a lunch of beer and pizza. Michigan is getting royally fucked by the conservative playbook.

He got really upset when I said “Please Mystery Man, explain to me harder about how my body works. I’ve only lived in it for 27 years, and used contraceptives for 13 of those years.

My mom is a dental hygienist in a liberal college town. Oh lord the anger she feels listening to people with rotting teeth whine about flouride in the water supply controlling their brains. Or “How can I need a root canal?! I brush with Tom’s toothpaste!”