I pride myself on not knowing who 80% of these shills are.

My girlfriends daughters (9 and 4) say “actually” all the time, but its more along the lines of they finally put some thought into something after they just blurted out an answer.

“NO Girl, the other foot!” My girlfriends daughter has this thing about putting her shoes on the wrong feet. She says she walks better that way, but my OCD cant take it.

My only (major) issue with my cat is that I cant buy anything for her to play with. she is locked inside a 2 bedroom rental house and I try to get her stuff to keep her amused while I am away doing adult human stuff.

“I forgot how to jump”

Or maybe since lingus means “with the tongue”, we should call it Clittlefingus.

I had the same problem with my coinpurse also. I would accidently cut those little bumps that I guess are.
I’m going to try the one that the OP suggested as mine isn’t working out for me down there.

I shaved my nether region once when I was 15. ONCE! The resulting itchiness that I had to endure for the following week was not worth the effort. Just thinking about it now makes me wanna scratch!

I would absolutely LOVE the option to say yes to every request that was made of me. but I work one of the shittiest shifts (pun intended, I work at a sewer plant) to have a social life, or lack thereof (Wednesday thru Sunday 4pm-12am).

diddlingus maybe?

It was doing the same thing with me, so I had to turn off my VPN. Worked fine after that.

It helps that I’ve been there 21 years now, and (I swear to God I’m not making this up) there’s a dog food plant less than a mile from my work (imagine that paper mill smell, but with rancid grease added).

I’m an employee at a Waste Water Treatment Facility (oh, you mean a sewer plant?) and no, we don’t technically shovel shit.

Can someone please get Zach Galiafinakis a bra please?

In Thailand he goes by the name Wan Hung Lo

I was thinking this same thing! I will definitely try it at home, but it’s not practical for public restrooms.

This makes me think of “I got you Babe” over and over and over and over and over.

With the defective condom deal that groupon has, that's not the only thing people soon will be getting from groupon lol

With the defective condom deal that groupon has, that's not the only thing people soon will be getting from groupon…

Damon Wayans's mailman's line "MESSAGE!" from Search instead for Don't Be a Menace.. used to be my go to text tone. its short and to the point.

Met her at a bar, hung a bunch of times and the night usually ended with sex (pretty awesome sex I must admit).