Sadly, all that remains of my Lucky Whitehead is a spattering of sebum on my bathroom mirror.

Daley Blind sounds like a braille newspaper

I thought they’d put this business behind them when they signed UDFA Neutrogeno Hall.

+1 Pore of Winer

I became suspicious when no women appeared to be harmed.

My hope is that he gets picked up and goes on to win the Super Bowl, then becomes the new face of Clearasil.

I’m basically taking his post as an accusation towards me personally, as an (accurate) indictment of my unpopularity with women. That’s why I claim it’s a cheap shot. From there, I act super defensive and bitter.

THEN LOVE ME

Amen. People who say they can’t cook are like those undecided voters we keep hearing about, dumbfucks who can’t be bothered, and present their laziness as a thing, an affliction, like colour-blindness or an appreciation for soccer.

The worst ways to hurt yourself are slipping on your roommate’s jizz while grilling and trying not to fart in front of your girlfriend, who your roommate swears he doesn’t find attractive.

Yeah, Jesus Christ. Why focus so much on one of the world’s 3 best and most important teams? MORE HOT MLS TALK PLEASE.

Get an instant read thermometer and then just look up a recipe. If you cook it to the right temperature, you wont kill anyone or serve them dry crumbly meat

It was his cousin, Prosperous.

And yet his comment has 7 stars and your comment has zero?

Texas should get around to repealing ownership of human beings.

*reins*

Binge Eating Disorder advances to the Final Four of First World Problems!

Bacon is a helluva a drug.

That’s selling Fuglsang short, though he did abandon. That said, the team does not seem well-managed, as was evidenced when Aru lost the MJ for no good reason at all.

I mean... I am surprised this wasn’t talked about more in NBCSN.