So judging by my dating history, she’s “my type”

Jesus. The Washington Racists make the Browns look like a bastion of good decision making by comparison.

Oh please, as if his knees could even handle normal, vanilla, consensual sex, let alone gang rape...

It’s real. It’s a big part of why I’ve been unemployed since May. I wish I could just go on disability for it, since apparently nobody’s going to hire me for jobs I'm qualified for.

The Holy Trinity of Yinzer Manhood.

Don't give her ideas...

My parents were living the DINK lifestyle in San Francisco. Why in the living fuck they chose to move to Cleveland to have a family is beyond me.

If the NFL really wants a spectacle, some team needs to have Tebow and Manziel compete for the same QB job while sharing an apartment, Real World-style.

Since we have a LOLMets hashtag, we really ought to have a LOLJets tag to accompany it.

The “Bobcats” were what their draft picks would be driving for a living if MJ hadn't drafted them.

In five years, when these things are $3000 or so, I'm buying one.

I don't know why he's bothering to train to manage a Starbucks when the New York Knicks would gladly waste money on him.

If only someone had sent Colin Cowherd to interview him...

It’s more about securing Sheldon Adelson’s support, as he actually believes this shit.

I have more than a few stories:

Big deal, so does every douchebag in Staten Island when their poorly modded Audis are snowed in.

NP if the driveshaft was fixed. CP without.

Here in San Francisco, if a cabbie harasses you, dial 311 with the cab number and the MTA will have his ass over a figurative open flame by the end of the day. That beats the hell out of uber’s “email us and hope we respond” approach.

This is ‘Murrica. You can break any beer can on your forehead if you're brave enough.