You know why Ernie Banks will always be a legend?

Then, Billy Beane will trade the best three hitters on the A’s for it.

For real. Being able to type while fellating an athlete or team owner is the most basic sports journalism skill I can think of.

I was gonna say that was a light consequence for cheating your way to the super bowl, but then I remembered that this is a white player and this is the patriots’ organization.

If he were an A’s fan, Billy would trade him to the Yankees for three passed-out-drunk Bleacher Creatures to be named later.

At MetLife that's a hot dog, nachos, and souvenir soda per game.

I mean, Hillary Clinton can consider herself a liberal and staunch Democrat, but that doesn't negate the fact that she makes Joe Biden look like Bobby Kennedy.

As a former clevelander, I can tell you that all of WOIO’s “journalists” make Bill O’Reilly look like Walter Cronkite. They're horrible.

No...that's not it, either 😒

This is the equivalent of any Knicks player wearing Jordan Brand gear.

I live in Oakland. They happen.

Hence the “mid-aughts” caveat

I think the link is broken. I clicked on a link for Prince and ended up hearing some mid-aughts Neil Young song.

You can shit anything if you're brave enough.

Exactly. I don't know why he's even on the train, isn't one step for him an entire city block?

Please give me the strength. I’m browsing Jezebel from the bathroom I’m pretending to need to use while avoiding A Required Family Event.

A 17 year old rich white girl? Using drugs?

Just buy a $500 20-year-old Corolla or Prizm for these occasions, and when transit doesn’t go where you need to. They never break, they get better gas mileage than most brand new hybrids, and I nsurance is like $20 a month if you’re over 25 and not prone to tickets.

The only time I’ve seen it “biologically necessary” is when some dude is like Shaq height and not slim.

Yeah, if this was the only thing in the campaign, I could see it, but since it isn't, these are just whiny little bastards.