Have you ever been high as fuck?

If you define "pizza" as "dough with any old shit dumped on it, then baked," I guess.

Jesus, it's like 17-year-old punk rock 90's kids all jizzed on a poster at once.

Vitamin D milk. For strength. Also to fight rickets. ;)

Stop drinking shitty skim milk.

The only counterpoint I need to make is that a tall glass of ice-cold whole milk is fucking delicious.

Ranch dressing is disgusting. It's kind of a joke around here.

That may be tasty, but it's not pizza.

Love ya, trout, but we long ago established that you have much excellent taste in food service, but none at all when it comes to actual food. Tomato heathens are not allowed to discuss pizza, let alone rank it in any way.

It's a huge part of why I hate the south. When I mean "fuck you," you best believe Ima say "fuck you." People down here get so offended when you say what you mean.

to be fair all the jehovah's witnesses i know are black or hispanic so i'm pretty sure all blacks and hispanics are jehovah's witnesses so yeah only white people celebrate birthdays you can't argue with logic

Reese Witherspoon needs to call me. I said god damn!

Blue = 1 day of awesome blue, 3 days of this shitty green, 2 weeks of limp grey.

Anyone who would get pissed off about that would be immediately deleted from my facebook that I don't have because I'm pretty well convinced I would just delete everyone. Or whatever, "un-friend."

"Insipid" is a word that was created in the early 1600s that languished, untethered, with no true meaning, until Lena Dunham entered the world, and it found its purpose. The two are now inseparable forever. Insipidly inseparable.

But that's why everyone insists that people in the Deep South are so nice.

Everyone needs to understand that this man, who doesn't understand the absolute basics of constitutional law, is the Chief Justice of the state of Alabama.

The point being, if you're going to commit assault, like I said, don't go hide in the kitchen and do it. All of those examples were in the context of you are already committing assault. Perhaps I poorly explained that there is almost never a reason to assault a guest, but if that threshold is breached, you don't go…

It's funny, to me, how you think "confront" must always mean screaming in someone's face or challenging them to a fight. That really says a lot more about you than it does me, don't you think? Y'know, since I never, ever said anything about being out of control or violent, hon.

Yeah, there was pretty much no chance he's over 25, I'd think. Mentally, probably never will cross that boundary.