If it's not on card stock, I don't want your crummy Valentine, anyway, thanks.

Wow, it's almost like I was agreeing with you, but now you're such a pompous shithead that I wish I could disagree. Kindly fuck along, now.

People love to toot the horn of their own ignorance.

Only people who drink Bud think that Guinness is a strong-as-in-ABV beer.

Budweiser is for people who think "shitty" means "real." I will only drink Bud if I'm already really wasted, coked up, and it's literally the only thing available, and even then I'll give you some serious side-eye when you tell me there's Bud in your fridge.

Nodding requires a neck...

I mean, I like the song, but I do like to be told when I'm being sold something...

So, sponsored posts are no longer labeled as such?

He's a 6'7", 410lb. Mormon. What's he gonna do, not play football for BYU?

Who gets excited about another shitty chain restaurant? Literally the only one of those I would go to is In N' Out.

I have a friend who works at Pappadeaux, and insists on calling it "fine dining." The only fine dining thing about it is the ridiculous price point. Comically enormous menu, non-local and out-of-season ingredients, restaurant name embroidered on servers' vests, literally everything about it screams "sub-standard crap…

I honestly think all Jeb Bush has to do is not get caught with hookers and blow before the primaries, and he'll simply outlast all of these GOP chuckleheads. A whole party of Evil Twin Barney Fifes, shooting themselves in the foot, are you not entertained?

Yes, your honor, Rand Paul has no dick.

The new J. Cole is hot as fuck.

Your stupidity isn't an illness, either.

There is never an excuse for it. It's cowardly; if the guest is so egregiously awful that you are willing to do something illegal (it's assault), that guest needs to be confronted, shut down, and told exactly why they are never welcome in the establishment again.

Yeah, nah.

I will never discourage stupid, stupid people from clearly and consistently demonstrating their complete lack of value. It makes my life so much easier.

No. It was objectively, mathematically the worst play call ever. You don't do that, just like you don't breathe water.

Absolutely not. They would - rightly - be saying he got away with one, because that is just basic fundamentals of coaching, right there.