This is exactly the wording of the text I immediately sent. Absolutely. Whoever was responsible should be investigated for collusion with the Patriots. The only other possible explanation is fundamental incompetence.

Word-for-word text I sent during the game: "Damn, Pitino looks pretty sharp with the grey stubble he's rocking. Still dyeing the hair black, though."

Fucking love the Irish for shit like this. Close knit, if you're in the know, there's maybe a bottle of Middleton's under the bar that is free for friends, doesn't exist for anyone else, and Tom Waits can piss right off if he thinks he can play Val's piano wit'out Val there to say, "Sure, why not." It's not rude,…

He may be bleeding, but not so you'd notice.

Drew is a pretty decent pool player, and the sweetest celeb I have ever hung out with.

Matt Dillon once tried to buy out my bar for an absurdly small amount of money (well, his...guy, I dunno, agent? handler?), because he didn't want to be mobbed by the random handful of Drugstore Cowboy fans that might still exist (nobody even remembers he was in Wild Things, because why would you, all I remember is…

Anybody who has yet to see the Tom Waits episode of Fishing with John really needs to go watch it right away. Greatest living American, that man. Take all the best parts of Prince, Springsteen, Hunter S. Thompson, and Jack Nicholson, then throw out all the fucks anyone might have to give, and you got the Rain Dog. Who…

Nobody who is "paleo" is somebody you want to listen to about anything.

It's not always about intent. In this situation you would hope that a law enforcement official and spokesperson would not shove anyone. Anyone. However, one would really hope he could display the intelligence, forethought, and self-control necessary to realize how assaulting a black woman (and then denying it in the…

Why is anyone paying attention to Stacy Dash, anyway? She is pretty close to the last person I think anyone should listen to about anything, except how to be a very, very minor Hollywood presence, living off of one role in a hit movie. Is she literally the only woman of color Faux could find willing to carry their…

He does do his job, and he's very good at it.

"Upgrade to homicide?" This is very much a lateral move, he's just changed weapons.

I recently had to deal with severe sciatica for several months, and putting on socks (and pants; I eventually got proficient at a sling-n'-hook method that required as little bending over as possible) became a screaming-in-pain kind of activity. It opened my eyes a bit to how much physical ability we completely take…

This. All of this. None of them can see past their own noses.

The first time I saw a mention of Huckabee writing a book called God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy, I thought it was a joke; an exaggeration (albeit mild) of his aw-shucks country-boy schtick. But no. He has 100% bought into the schtick (or, hell, maybe he actually believes it, they're equally awful) and become the joke,…

Sports media is masturbation at it's basest form, and Marshawn is their moms knocking on the door. They may get it back up, but you know it's just ruined.

This, like facebook and twitter and instagram and all of it, is clearly pathetic narcissism, in exactly the same vein as a small child insists that you look at the poop they just took. IT'S A REALLY IMPORTANT DOODY!

I'd be willing to bet Tay Tay is...well, never actually, uh...nude.

Any nutritionist who isn't a snake-oil shilling huckster will already tell you that carbs are OK, and people who are currently zealously avoiding them are just doing so because they'd rather believe that there is one magic food type they can avoid (or binge on) to be healthy forever instead of being told that they…

I'm willing to believe that it didn't pop off as atrociously insufferable as this email would have led any reasonable person to expect that it would, but maybe this experience will give your friend something to think about, because she truly comes across as someone who spends all day sniffing her own farts and…