My brother-in-law had a massive stroke and now has what they call “locked in syndrome.” He is conscious but is immobile and almost entirely unable to communicate. It’s a horrible malady and I wouldn’t wish it in anyone. But that doesn’t mean I would give one half of a shit if it happened to the current occupant of the…

There are worse ways to spend your final moments.

Not only have I run a marathon, I have run two other marathons. Also, I have eaten many Marathons because those were a thing when I was a kid and running marathons.

I used to umpire t-ball games when I was 12 (for the princely reward of a deep-fried burrito and a Coke from the snack bar) and while the kids were hilarious and eager and fun, I had to stop more than one game to explain to shouty parents that yes you can, in fact, strike out in t-ball.

21 years ago I was taken to a Chuck E. Cheese for my bachelor party. It was a riot, though I'm pretty sure they thought we were going to rob the place.

Same people who leave the stickers on their new ball caps. Dumb.

3,000 miles, one way. Got crabs in the bargain so I really made the most of the trip.

That was its strength in my book.

We have a team of four in Seattle who rotates throughout the game from TV to radio and back. Aaron Goldsmith is solid, the rest I could do without. Mike Blowers clearly understands the game but it was years before he sounded like he cared about what he was doing.

I've been called worse by better.

I am so not looking that up.

In the worst game of “Would You Rather...” ever, I’d go with seeing A-Rod on the can over watching Robert Kraft get  a hummer. Every time.

I said GOOD DAY, sir.

I have too much self respect. Good day.

Thank you. This makes me crazy. I’m not a slow-poke, but if I’m going 70mph in the HOV lane and you’re still up my ass, you need to move over.

I have two college degrees, am working on a third, and my dad-joke game is on point if the audible eyed-rolling from my 12-year-old is any indication. But I appreciate your concern.

“Why does she look like some Asian ninja though.”

You could remove a couple of my fingers and I’d still be able to count the number of not incompetent or insufferable MLB announcers on one hand. I love the game but I watch it with the sound off most of the time. Announcers add nothing to my enjoyment, unless I were able to find enjoyment at seething when morons say…

Adults who use “lol” need to have their texting privileges revoked in perpetuity. 

I don’t follow Champions League but I saw that photo up top and I just have to say that Jürgen Klopp (besides having a dynamite name) has a terrifying set of teeth in his head.