Many years ago when I was in fifth a grade my teacher wanted everyone in the class to have something signed by their father. She was specific - father, not mother. I did not have a father in the picture, since he was an alcoholic and my mother had kicked him out five years earlier. I can’t tell you, as a ten year old…

He doesn’t eat Whoppers. He just tells them. He prefers Bigly Macs.

A lifetime ago, I worked adjacent to baseball, and had a fan foaming at the mouth complaining to me that a baseball player hadn’t removed his hat during a song showing appreciation for America, and that player should be removed from baseball, etc, etc. I pointed out that a) it wasn’t even the National Anthem, it was…

If the pledge contained the words “money”, “pussy” and “Whopper with cheese”....maybe he’d vaguely recall it. This version? Not a chance.

Asking too much of your soft skills, is it?

technically at some point everyone had parents, but some of them may not have their parents anymore and might be taken care of by another relative like aunt/uncle/grandparent. This is not “pandering”, this is simply choosing to find a way to be more inclusive to those that might not still have parents, or that might…

Damn, this Shakespeare guy is good. Does he have a podcast?

Have a star for spot on Shakespeare!

The Bard said it best:

I wasn’t even aware he was in custody.

“I wish him well.”

Bonus points if you managed the truckside bounce. That is when you bum rushed them out, and managed to bounce them off the side of a truck or van parked outside the door. Sometimes they got bounced so hard they ricocheted back towards the door and you got to bounce them again. The confused and dazed look on their face…

I guess Alaska is the right place to find a snowflake. White and melts easily.

bad feminist Roxane Gay appeared in a video for Reuters

Was just heading down here to say these pictures need warnings. My question is: which one has the ovipositor to deposit their eggs in the other's chest? 

Oh God. That picture of Waddles and Melania. He looks like he’s about to spit in her mouth.

I mean listed price isn’t the same as selling price, but yeah

And he managed to get caught doing it! That’s like aiming at the fish and blowing your foot off instead.

Oh I knew how to do it. I just didn't want to.