It’s not that hard, man.

Alternately: Nevada. No, because of Vegas.

“In the heat of the moment." Of playing a video game. I hope to lead so charmed a life that missing a bucket in a video game is the most pressure I ever feel. Where is the line to slap this dude?

And he referenced an Asia song along the way. Dude loves his prog rock. And is racism. 

May it soon run aground.

When my wife was 30 and teaching at a storied New England high school, the older (always male) teachers would demand to know what she was doing in the staff room any time she was making copies or planning her class. She would simply respond, “I work here" without looking up. The stammering that followed brought her no…

One would think that a man with nothing to hide would want this investigation to run its course, so he could stand innocent -- and vindicated -- when it was all over. Yet here we are.

My sister always told me that Victoria’s “Secret” was that the granny panties are in the back.

Ugh. This will make it much easier to finally give up on the Mariners. I know pro athletes and their higher-ups are not getting paid for being nice or smart (about things outside of their sport) or progressive. I’ve always been able to put away the notion that most of these people are probably assholes (or at least…

Don't overlook the importance of core strength, friends.

I was living in Boston when that trade happened. Slocumb couldn't close a door. When Seattle took him we were all in a state of giddy disbelief. I moved to Seattle shortly before the '04 season. I got what I desrved.

I have a 2002 Subaru Forester with 130,000 miles on it and I love it beyond reason. I hope to have it for at least another 100,000 miles. Maybe by then, they’ll have sorted their shit out. I hate what they’ve done to the look of the Forester in the last few years but I’m sold on AWD and will likely never have a car…

I look forward to these two new teams, wherever they are, winning a World Series before the Mariners do.

I am sorely tempted to open a Twitter account that solely auto-responds to Junior’s every tweet with “Shut the fuck up, Donny. You’re out of your element.” It would likely amuse only me, but one must find joy where one can.

I fear the bar has really been raised for Florida Man. Tough one to top, this.

Dear NBC,

Wait! Take me with you!

Oh, for sure. But if you do get a handful of somebody’s hair, it probably has more stopping power than just grabbing their jersey. That shit hurts. Or at least I think it does. The hair I do have is not long enough to grab.

Genuinely surprised that doesn’t happen more often. Seems like grabbing a handful of hair is a pretty solid tactic, however shitty it might be to do on purpose. Which I am not saying Clowney did.

I don’t follow the NHL, so I thought the embarrassing part of that banner was the weird apostrophe. But I guess the thing really is The Presidentses Trophy. Go know.