It’s the A’s. I look forward to them playing just well enough to get bounced in the wildcard game.

Thank you for the education. My visit to London was a long time ago and I was in the throes of newly-wedded bliss. Give me a 99!

Maybe they know the dudes who robbed the Apple Store? Go Fresno!

This is definitely advanced level stupid, but I’m starting to think that, when it comes to Musk, peak stupid is still a long way off.

Understatement of a lifetime: “I could see that my leg was there, which was good.”

I do believe they are each enjoying a Mr. Whippy! My favorite culinary discovery from the one time I went to London 20 years ago. Soft serve with a Cadbury Flake shoved in it. Bliss!

Wait, she really said that? What a tool. I was taking selfies back when you had to wait to get the film developed to see if it came out. Ugh. Stupid people make me cranky. Also, I am old.

Mike Huckabee? Is that you?

Hey, everybody. Comb through all your social media accounts and delete everything that’s, let’s say, more than a year old. The only people going back and looking at your stuff are people looking for embarrassing and/or career-ending shit. It may seem daunting, but it’s way easier than damage control.

Selling out? Or cashing in?

My level of not-giving-a-shit increases with every drink. I already suck at cleaning, thus drunk-cleaning is going to be a disaster for me. I commend anyone who can do it. My sober mess is bad enough.

Am I the only one who calls him Sixix Nineine?

Hasbro makes Ouja boards. Unless they have a special Occult Factory that’s churning these out, there was never any reason to believe they were contacting the spirit world.

Right now? I think it’s time for his after-dinner flagellation.

When my kid was younger, if she said or did something funny that got a big reaction out of us, she would keep doing it long past it being cute or entertaining. It’s not uncommon in kids, I think, to do this. But we always talked to her about knowing when a thing is over and how to not kill it. She’s got a pretty good…

This is like one of those fundamentalist “Hell House” things made into a movie. I hope they finish it and it becomes this generation’s Reefer Madness or Blue Sunshine.

It takes less than four hours to fly from NYC to San Juan.

Yes! More teams! A longer season! Who will be the new Mr. December? More exclusive cable deals that make it even harder to see games on TV!

She’s married to Donnie Wahlberg? That’s the most frightening aspect of this whole thing.

At my brother’s wedding, in front of 200 guests from around the world, the best man opened with a line about how my new sister-in-law’s uncle was going to give them a beautiful bird for their wedding but changed his mind because she was going to “get a cockatoo (cock or two! get it?) later.” Met with stony silence by…