For your consideration; Pearl Bailey, Five Pound Box of Money

While I admit I don’t know all (any) of the details of your situation, promise me you keep it in a fireproof safe or that you have a backup (can you have a backup for this kind of thing?) someplace. I’m not trying to be a smartass. A USB stick seems like a precarious thing on which to store your investment.

Nope. Never. Had a limo driver tell me that’s the first thing that “don’t make eye contact with other drivers” is one of the first things he learned. If someone’s being an a-hole, eye contact invites them into your world.

I am not a violent person at all. I left a lot out. If you want to know, here’s a sampling. There was a lot going on with me personally at the time (21 years old, home from college for the holidays/wedding, long distance girlfriend dumped me, literally didn’t have a bed to sleep in at my parents’ house because it was…

Not wrong.

Wedding cake. My sister’s, not mine. Younger brother ran into nearest McDonald’s and took every napkin out of every napkin dispenser and ran back out to try to help me clean up. I think people thought there was blood because a bunch of them ran out after him. Had to go back to the bakery to get the cake“fixed” (I…

Was just in Tokyo for 2 weeks. Walked by this every day on my way from home to the station. Never saw it move, but I really wanted to steal it. I love that they are still out there and they still run.

Church o’ Me

I’m 49 and 20 pounds overweight and I’m sexier than Blake Shelton. That said, I will do anything Mahershala Ali asks me to do. Any. Thing.

I’m not going to watch that video, but I generally doubt the maturity of anyone who is still a member of the My First Mustache™ Club.

How do I send all of my money to The Church of Michael Klimkowski?

Bonus: Everybody knows the words! Also, I know, I know.

My family and I just landed in Tokyo yesterday for some family business. When we cleared customs and stepped into the main terminal we were greeted by a gigantic monitor running a news program that showed a larger-than-life image of Trump (he left right before we got here). My dear, sweet 10-year-old daughter sighed…

Is “Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber” still on tumblr?

Police report written by Noel Coward.

DH please. Maybe because I’ve lived in American League baseball cities for the last 20 years, but there is nothing fun or interesting about watching otherwise top-shelf athletes stand in the box and take cuts that belong in beer-league softball. I’d much rather watch a 38-year-old with bad knees knock one out every…

I got rid of cable a long time ago but even when I had it I couldn’t stand watching cable news. So this is my first exposure to Ms. Reid.

I worked for an independent game company that was absorbed by EA and became one of their “studios.” It was miserable. We inherited a studio head who wanted absolutely nothing to do with us and passed us off to one of his unqualified underlings as quickly as he could. It was never clear, day to day, what our priorities…

Confused. The press room is windowless and has a view of Canada?