I will remember Eli for four things:

Some number of years ago, in an attempt to prove how much Eli sucked I added up all his season records together. Unfortunately he was still averaging almost a 10-6 season every year at that point which really shredded my theory. Well, several completely forgettable seasons later and he’s reached the Golden Plateau: a…

They’re allowed ONE.

I think I have an idea of who was behind this.

Just End The Season.

Jets fans are used to seeing who’s at quarterback and going, “Look - fuck.”

Hell of a run for Mo!

I really need the ball position on the 2-pt conversion penalty explained. After the delay of game on the Broncos, they had the choice to take the 2-pt attempt from the 7 or kick the extra point from the 20. Then after the Bears’ encroachment penalty, why was it not 5 yards forward from the 20 for the extra point…

Everyone knows about the 1972 Dolphins ex-players celebrating the demise of the last undefeated team every year. Far fewer have heard about the Suicide Pact they made if the Dolphins were to ever finish a season 0-16. Let’s make this happen people.

Yes, but you don’t have to do anything illegal to face disciplinary action from your employer. People get fired for missing deadlines or failing to adhere to the dress code.

Yes! The boxes at Costco are much bigger, of course, so now you can get an Oakland Raiders helmet in every box. Don’t try to play in a game with it, though. It’s one of the old designs. :(

Guys, there are times to take a principled stand, but let’s be real. When you’re facing the 2019 Dolphins, it’s all hands on deck. You’re just trying to keep it close out there, and hope for the best.

I’m almost in awe of the Patriots complete unwillingness to even gesture towards giving a fuck about caring about the severity of these allegations.

“When you’re a star, they let you do it...”

Yeah that’s the game. That Von Miller hit was the hit where I thought to myself, “That dude isn’t gonna be the same after that one.”

I remember him taking a huge hit and getting a “definitely a concussion” not a concussion in like the first game after they went to the superbowl? Something like that. There was an article about it here, and the dude was clearly concussed.

My dad says it’s because he’s a quitter and only cares about collecting a paycheck instead of winning.

If you don’t like Deadspin, sign up your enemies.

Bahstahnfuckinbrah@bahstan.cahm

We’re gonna need you to show your work on those top 24 guys.