I’m embarrassed about how long it took me to get the pun in “Alice B. Toklas brownies". 

“Save the peels[,] too”

I used to buy jars of minced garlic at the dollar store. They quit carrying it. Now I'm sad. 

WE’RE NUMBER ONE!

Carefully reread what I wrote. And the inside of the bag is no less sanitary than the inside of the cardboard thing that they put the fries in.

When I go into a fast food place for just fries, I ask them to put them straight into the bag, so it soaks up the excess oil. For many years, with no prompting, they'd ask if I wanted the rest of the fried stuff that was about it go into the trash. I’d walk out with ridiculous amounts of mixed fries, curly fries, and…

“I’m not embarrassed to say that opening a bag of chips can be a vexing exercise.”

But Jimmy Dore never had to say "President Hillary Clinton", and that's what's important. 

Derp Furor’s rats infested the upper levels of the Department of Justice for four years, and no one from the Obama Administration went to jail. It’s almost as if they didn’t commit any crimes, and those lawyers knew that they’d be disbarred if they tried to prosecute anyone.

I still think that part of the reason that dollar coins never caught on was that the last two mass releases featured women. A suffragette followed by a First Nations, to "make it worse". 

Please, spelling. It’s [”right”]. The irony quotes are important, given how seldom they’re actually right about anything.

The people who are still upset over Waco think that MOVE deserved when they got. 

I can already see MAGAts sorting their change in stores, and refusing those. 

It’s better’n a grown woman cop pretending to be a high school student and tricking a loner kid into buying weed for her, so she can ruin his life. 

I still think that anyone who lost residuals from reruns being canceled should sue Cosby. They lost income due to his actions, and they should be able to recoup that. 

“Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it in summer school.”

🧄 😋 

Guacamole out of a tube (looking at you, Taco Bell), or anything similar. It looks exactly like the sinus infections a friend would get when I was a kid. 

Big sushi is controlled by the Unification Church.