Well that's going to need frequent updating. 

Doesn't Starfucks sell the worst coffee, so people have to pay for a lot'f extras to make it drinkable? 

They proved something I've known for decades? 

That's what JimZ (and someone else) was referring to. He got a pair of glasses from Clumsy Carp. 

Didn't she leave Radio 4's News Quiz to start a political party? 

How do I boycott something I don't use in the first place? 

Psst, Riding the Rails...lean over here. They stock the expensive stuff for show, not the cheap stuff. If they didn't want you ordering it, they wouldn't have it. 

“...or breaking off florets of cauliflower...”

Upon eating beets, place a note in the bathroom reminding yourself, so you don't panic the next day. 

It’s never taken me more that fifteen minutes to open a three digit combination lock by starting at triple zero and going through sequentially.

It’s never taken me more that fifteen minutes to open a three digit combination lock by starting at triple zero and…

Trump is going to be so fucking insufferable when he gets re-elected.

If you don’t mind sacrificing some trunk space, go to a wrecking yard and get a rim that’ll fit your car, then get a good tire put on it. Those “Don’t drive over 45 mph or more than 50 miles” donuts are a joke.

I love how mad almond milk/butter/whatever loving, “Honey is the product of enslaved bees!!!” vegans get when I tell them that almonds are terrible for the environment and bees.

Par-cooking is a highly underused method.

Use the macaroni and a can of chili to make...ready for it?...chili-mac.

Shocking, isn't it? 

I nuke the shriveled ones, them run 'em through the blender with a bit'f milk to make soup. 

If you know anyone who's planning to sit out the election if their favorite candidate doesn't get the nomination, point out that one more republican appointment to SCOTUS and they can find "for an inherent right to life starting at conception", and ban abortion everywhere, including in "safe states". 

And this fool is going to get elected President in 2024, because people are just that stupid.

See my post further down (or up, depending on how you sort the posts).