If you're worried about Roe v Wade being overturned, but you're planning on sitting out next year's election if your favorite candidate does not get the nomination, think about this: one or two more republican appointments to the Supreme Court, and they can find for "an inherent right to life starting at conception",…

I “love” the Libertarians who scream that there shouldn’t be a minimum wage, and some people would work for three bucks an hour.

What would happen if the state helped finance the employees taking over the businesses? 

There was a Jack in the Box that would charge me 40¢ to leave the tomato off a burger. I started ordering the burger, then I’d stand at the counter, unwrap it, take the tomato off, slap it down on the counter, and leave.

Hasn't this been going on for about as long as there have been gift cards? 

If you have to mail it, use a Postal Money Order (and keep the receipt, in case it’s lost). If the recipient doesn’t have a bank account, it can be cashed, with no service charge, at a Post Office. (Bonus there is forcing kids to find their local Post Office. 😈)

There’s no “̶I̶”̶ ̶i̶n̶ God.

If you know anyone who’s planning on sitting out the election or voting third party if their favorite candidate doesn’t get the nomination, point out that one more republican appointment to the Supreme Court and it can find for an “inherent right to life starting at conception”, and ban abortion even in “safe states”.

I listened to his podcast for a while, but got tired of his latent homophobia. After every story about gay rights, he’d have to add, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Believe me I’ve fucked all the women. And my dick is really big.”

Family legend has mom getting a strange look asking for baby bottles to be filled with ginger ale at an airport snack bar. Even though she was traveling with two of us in diapers. Didn't everyone know it settled upset tummies? 

So I can’t post “מזיין ישראל” any more?

He’s going to be so bloody insufferable when he gets re-elected.

DON’T FLOCK YOUR TREE!

Real trees are banned in apartment buildings by many fire codes. If you want to risk taking out your house with one, fine, but you don't get to put dozens to hundreds of other people in jeopardy. 

But his cultists will believe this is for their own good.

Guess there can't be any more Planet Of The Apes sequels or remakes. 

Yeah, no. Unless you leave a note with the reduced tip, they'll just assume that you're cheap. 

Has his ghetto pass been revoked yet? 

...can get you ten to twenty.