Would not it be "shiteface" in England? 

hy⋅men, noun: a big issue over a little tissue

What happened to beaming the information between devices? 

aka the Traitor Tot.

Who? 

Who? 

He's supposed to be spending every waking minute searching for the real killers. 

“7. Buy a blimp”

It was actually a nostalgic throwback to the first iPhone, which could only run one app at a time. 

One was prosecuted under federal statute, t’other under state law. Get the laws changed. For too long, too many people would, at best, vote, then not do anything for the next two years. 

Wrong show. 

Don’t forget the hanging Chad,

🐽 

Worried about Roe v Wade being overturned? Planning on sitting out next year's election if your favorite candidate does not get the nomination? Remember, SCOTUS is one "right" whinger away from finding an "inherent right to life starting at conception", and banning abortion everywhere. 

There’s a sun dried tomato and olive bread recipe in the machine’s manual that I’ve tried to make seven or eight times, and each time, it falls like a cartoon souffle. Stands up around the edges of the pan, two inches thick in the center, denser than a certain president. I've made adjustments and kept notes, and…

He's going to have to decide why to shut down the government, this or impeachment. 

Trump is Derp Furor. 

I am shocked! SHOCKED I tell you!!! 

🤦

Days to decades after taking bits of the Petrified Forest, some people's consciences cause them to send them back. Unfortunately, the Forest Service workers can't just go out and put the pieces on the ground at random, so they get tossed in a pile somewhere out of view. 

I like 2¢ cash tips for situations like this. It sends more'f a message.