Meat...um, I mean meet Gay Bob,

There’s nothing wrong with that song. It was written at a time when “good girls” wouldn’t want to stay, and she was looking for excuses to stay.

If you're planning on sitting out next year's election if your favorite candidate does not get the nomination, remember, a hard "right" SCOTUS could find an "inherent right to life starting at conception", and ban abortion everywhere. Think it can't happen? Well, they ruled that corporations are people. 

The second stringers still need to pay attention in class, 'cause now not only are they not going to make it to the NFL, but they're also only going to sell jerseys to family and friends. 

<dons asbestos union suit>

A local farmer driving a jenky old truck to a farmer’s market probably has a higher carbon footprint than what’s available at the supermarket.

Ten hotdogs in a package.

Jesus fucking Mary and Joseph. I didn’t think he could do any worse at responding to “How are you going to stop police from killing us in the streets?” than he did with “Fifteen dollars an hour!”

Unloading the lease is still ripe for corruption. Politicians have gone to prison for selling properties at inflated prices in attempts to hide bribes. In this case, standard Trump money laundering is also a probability. 

But...but...but...Apple...perfect...

You would not believe how many vegans just KNOW the stuff is used in, but not listed on the boxes of, Girl Scout cookies.

Bets on what he's going to wear for his senior class picture? 

The big issue with plungers is most people use them wrong. You want to pull the clog up using suction, not push it down using air pressure. Also, they don't cover the overflow drains, which means they're just moving air in and out of those. 

The big issue with plungers is most people use them wrong. You want to pull the clog up using suction, not push it…

I have a dream of opening an overnight daycare specifically for sex workers to have a safe place to leave their little ones. 

If you’re already worried about Roe v Wade being overturned, yet you are planning on sitting out next year’s election if your favorite candidate does not get the nomination, ponder this: A far “right” SCOTUS could find an “inherent right to life starting at conception”, and ban abortion everywhere.

Trump is going to be absolutely insufferable when he's reelected. 

The thing is, they were getting traffic to slow down better than the hidden cop was. 

Meat is killing the planet. 

I can hear my old man bellowing, “IT’S A NORMAL BODILY FUNCTION!”

It must’ve been in the ‘70s there was something on the news about a cop with a radar gun who hadn’t written a ticket in over an hour on a moderately busy road. Investigating, he found one teenager back around a bend with a “Speed trap ahead” sign, and another teenager up around another bend with a “Tips” sign and a…