💝

Welp, we know they didn't trade their nonexistent soul. 

Assholes who drag their cart by the front corner, taking up both sides of the aisle, then stare dumbfounded, like you're supposed to turn around and go back the way you came from. 

Really annoy them and turn on airplane mode when out and about.

Smartest thing I ever did was break up with anyone who was baby crazy. 

Been doing it for years, but I use a small cooling rack. 

Snicker. My total gaming consists of the New York Times crossword puzzle app. 

Don’t. Let him rot there.

You should worry if the site you're signing up for allows unlimited login attempts without timeouts and lockouts. 

About that “hilarious” picture implying all Brits have bad teeth,

Someone was desperate, and the deadline was approaching. 

“Japan Is Building...”?

Or leave the peels on for the extra nutrients. 

Or leave the peels on for the extra nutrients. 

A broken twenty-four hour clock is right once a day. 

Oh, please, say that it is not so. 

My thoughts and prayers are that they choke on their own vomit. 

There's going to be dozens of unqualified people running on the Left, a bunch of whiney babies are going to sit out the general election after their special candidate loses in the primaries, and Trump is going to be insufferable during his second term. 

I am shocked he hasn’t yet given them to his kids.

I've been waiting for her to find out just how expensive it is to be in Congress. Two homes. Not all travel between them is covered by outside sources. 

By not having any family.