This has a shot at being the least-shit collection of responses to “What Car Should You Buy?” in the history of this bit.

To be fair, the river did stare at that home run for a really long time.

A friend of mine called me an “absolute microwave” one day a few years ago and I swear I think about it at least once a week.

There is really nothing funnier than hearing a tiny voiced 4 year old child say something like "Where are my fucking shoes?" 

To REALLY insult and bewilder people, I like to refer to them by an article of clothing they are wearing.

Nothing is as hilarious as a child under 5 swearing in the proper context. 

Bro, you’re not unemotional, you’re just an asshole. 

He was having fun with his son and I bet those kids on the other team will have a story to tell the rest of their lives.

“Truly the Cardinal Way has become the way of dishonor.”

Trevor Bauer is a bag of pee

Please don’t soil the good name of Donkey Doug with your bad takes.

I liked in Phil’s “The Last Season” that he summed up Duncan’s attitude contrasting to his own stars as such: Duncan would complain about fouls called on any teammate, Shaq and Kobe would only bitch about calls that they were whistled for.

I, for one, look forward to Steven Adams appearing in the State Farm commercials.

I bet Juventus fans will be DeLigted by this move.

But remember: Marcus Morris is a bad person for changing his mind about where he wants to go during one of the two or three times in his entire NBA career where he’ll actually have a choice.

I seriously doubt that. How would a domesticated ruminant animal with a thick woolly coat and curving horns even get the internet? 

Besides that I agree with all of this, I will just read it again because Ray Ratto can really fucking write. 

The whole thing is f’ing ridiculous, because the entire point of the moratorium is exactly to allow both players and teams time to talk to each other without feeling the pressure of contracts being signed at first offer, and be able to change their mind as circumstances change during that period. But even if we ignore…

wait until you get to drunk Pinoe!

Lol, I did help two customers get one.