“muppet” is probably my favorite of the non-profane insults. 

I haven’t been able to find anywhere what actually set the brawl off. No mention of why David Bell was kicked out, or why Amir Garrett was pissed to begin with. I’m down for watching a donnybrook as much as the next well-adjusted adult male, but also, context!

You may have just agreed with a Cardinals fan, which is worse.  It may even be a (DAMMIT, DON’T DO IT) a Cardinal sin. (Ugh.)

That must be a sad way to live, buddy. 

This feels like a Chappelle’s Show sketch. Except it is real.

(And changing his mind because they are going to pay him more money in NYC. Seems like a legit reason to me.)

Damn, this is some beautiful prose.

Also it’s kinda bullshit that Vladito hit 91 HR in 3 rounds and Alonso hit 60-something and won. I know, rules, whatever. 

So - both Vladito and Pete Alonso are making $555k this year.

I mean, he’s getting paid an assload of money to do cool shit like this occasionally, jog around maybe once a week, in a job where nobody expects Peak Futbol or Peak Zlatan or anything close. And he gets to keep referring to himself in the third person. Sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me. 

The Warriors have made their team—a team that’s won 3 of the past 4 titles and is going for a threepeat— a distinct underdog/nobody believes in us team by just deciding to try to win with everyone hurt. It’ll be interesting to see who plays in Game 3.

I feel like I saw an interview with him recently in which he said that his mom told him to shut the fuck up and just play. 

I would if I were him. Zion/Brow/Jrue is the core of a really, really good team. 

Also Toronto is a pretty big city. 

Hornets fan here. Can we also have Stephen Curry under this principle?

Dex seemed like one of the most genuinely fun and awesome human beings in the league during his time with the Cubs. I still wish there were a way for him to fit on that team and still make the money the Cards are paying him. Without Dex, the Cubs would now be on Year 110 of The Goat Hates You Curse.

Everyone needs more of this in their lives. (Also, as a Hornets fan from the very beginning, I love watching Baron Davis dunk on anybody.)

This is not nearly as compelling as the “How Long Will It Take For LeBron To Murder Lance Stephenson?” betting line. 

He also won’t be playing for the first 2-3 months. Breathe. It will be okay.

The Warriors fanbase isn’t even in the same galaxy of obnoxious as Boston or the Lakers.