I really am going to miss the annual “What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectum’s Last Year?” article. Mostly because we’re missing out on seeing Spanfeller’s head up his own ass. 

Inject this straight into my veins

You switched the samples!

I normally agree with most everything that Lauren writes on this site but this time I’m genuinely confused about what exactly the point Lauren is trying to make. Is Tony Bennett bad for not taking the money? Would he be better if he did? Worse? What exactly is Tony Bennett supposed to do?

These are incredibly bad takes

Jesus, Bob. You were already going to get an invite to the White House. You didn’t have to try to so hard. 

Are we sure this isn’t Jim Irsay in a Robert Kraft costume?

Sarcasm and irony just died in a murder-suicide. 

Buenos Aires Bud

Lighten up, Francis. 

I guess it was not to be.

This is a bad take.

I don’t think self-immolation is a new trend amongst NFL fans. Browns fans have been doing to this to themselves for years.

“It could be worse. He could have burned a flag instead.”

I smell a coverup.

“More hits like this is what the NFL needs! Should have been no flag! No flag! What’s worse is that you see these sons of bitches take a knee afterwards. Can you believe that? Worst thing you can do on a football field. Any player taking a knee should be hit in the head like that!”

Rudy came early.

No way you could say something like that in the media about Obama without backlash or trouble.

The people who talk shit about a standing president need to get the fuck outta this country, you fuck faces wanna start civil war because you fucking lost..