That's why you keep babies on simmer to lock in the freshness.

I hadn't thought of that. You wouldn't want a stale 2014 baby.

They're fresh.

Got so drunk (was guzzling vodka neat by the end of the night) that after eating an entire batch of chex mix, which is about 2 1-gallon ziploc bags worth, that I said something this stupid to a friend:

Now I'm just imagining someone high on coke yelling "let's make some fucking sandwiches!"

Tried cocaine for the first (and last) time in a stranger's bedroom and ended up helping the caterer make a bunch of sandwiches. At a party I wasn't invited to.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The only time I ever went out on New Years, my friend (who had the Marie Antoinette themed bridal shower a year later) took us to a HUGE MANSION owned by a friend of a friend of a friend of her boyfriend. The guy who owned it had a father who worked in "waste management" apparently.

Attempted to lose my virginity w/ some liquid courage, actually just vomited on myself while naked and crying.

When I was in high school I had knee surgery on December 26 and the combination of immobility and hydrocodone made me super constipated and my mom had to give me an enema. At age 18. Worst NYE of my life.

I was coming here to say that. I loved him in everything and it was great to see (or hear) him on screen.

Pour one out for Grandpa tonight.

This is exactly what we need. I don't think I've ever seen a celebrity talk openly about abortion, especially their own experiences. I'm impressed and thrilled and love Nicki Minaj more and more with each thing I read about her.

It says right in her last note that it's a suicide note. Her walking in front of that truck was not an accident, like her mother said. They're ignoring everything she wrote, just like they did in life. Goddamnit.

Suicide and trans people are inextricably linked, you might want to educate yourself with some statistics or broaden your perspective on both mental illness and trans issues.

They didn't "lose" their kid. She did not die of cancer or get snatched up by a child molester. They drove her to suicide.

They will. But they'll never admit it. They'll blame it on "society today" or something, say god works in mysterious ways, or that their child was mentally ill. Not mentally ill with depression, but mentally ill with sexual deviance.

Putting this out here:

I hope her last words haunt her shitdick parents for the rest of their pathetic lives.

The craziest thing to me in the aftermath of these killings is how accepting most people are of the militarization of the police. I fully expect that when video footage is found (dashcam or otherwise), Mike Brown will have done nothing that could warrant a reaction with fatal force, but people will still look and…