You’re really gonna do this all season? Really?

You sure do like Tide!

“I like a escalator, man, ‘cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.”

“I wanna be a race car passenger.” - Mitch Hedberg

Reminder: Darren Wilson Bobblehead Nite is coming soon.

“They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home. There’s more to it than that.”

That’s just Wong.

Another loss? Guess this season’s not in the Cards! Wacha Wacha Wacha!

It’s a shame, you know? This judge had such a bright judiciary career in front of him, it is just a shame that this one little verdict will mess up his entire future.

because we refuse to make any changes.

I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school.

These things force me to never want to put myself in a position where I have to sacrifice everything.

Headline: Bald Eagle Pummels Canadian Goose After All

You’re my favorite parody account on this site.

“A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.” - Mitch Hedberg

I hope the Cardinals lose 100 Games.

Losing to the Reds should count as two losses, and beating them should count as nothing.

As a Royals fan, you have no reference because your first game was less than 2 years ago.

Thank you. Two things can be true— we can acknowledge that this is more than most rapists get, while maintaining that it is insufficient. Additionally, I would argue that he WAS coddled, and the judge WAS lenient, because he’s a rich white kid, drenched in privilege. Let’s be real, black and brown rapists would never…

The Daily Beast said Persky “coddled” Turner; the petitioners said the sentence was “lenient.” Yet they’re both wrong. The truth is that Brock Turner will spend more time in jail than 97 percent of rapists.