Could you be any cruller?

Fleeting expletive. There won't be a fine. Do you even FCC?

"edible cardboard and hot brown water establishment"

Instead of punching her in the face, like I wanted to, I said, "how 'bout I don't charge you for the haircut, and we'll call it even?"

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

Karen Milton:

My favorite Russian cheese is a nice Tsarmigiano-Romanov blend. Unfortunately, they don't make it any more.

When I get these kids out of the house, I'm just gonna smoke pot all day and stare at Mastodon album covers.

their response was essentially to make a more polite version of a jerk-off motion

"A Jezebel Commenter Was Given a Sub-Site, and You Won't Believe What Happened Next!"

Makes the meatball sandwich sign look rookie by comparison.

Gosh, boobsmcgee, it's not like pregnancy and childbirth carry the risk of any life-threatening complications, or anything. Stop making silly excuses for your lazy uterus!

So enjoyable! She's an easy kid it's the 5th grade homework that kills me ;)

My stepdaughter is almost 13 and so far, she only stops talking when she's playing Minecraft. Often not even then. She sits there and gives me a running dialogue of what she's doing. So basically they never stop talking? Until they hit their teen years, decide they hate you, and shut themselves in their room, or so…

My daughter talks all day long, she's 10. As she's gotten older her conversation is wayyyyyyyy more interesting than it was when she was 4 but we still have to ask her to stop talking sometimes. She's super self-sufficient now and can do her own laundry, make lunch and all that good stuff. Our house is so empty when…

That was my first thought as well. No one wants to be referred to as the biggest mistake of someone's life, especially if the person saying it is their parent. The pain that causes, pain that people like you and I have experienced firsthand, cuts incredibly deep.

Wow, wonderful piece. Personally, I love being a mother, it's by far the most fulfilling part of my life. But I've always felt a knee jerk reaction to the sanctimonious idea that this was something all "normal" women would love and find fulfilling.