I had a crush on my physics teacher when I was a senior in high school. If he had made any kind of a gesture towards me, I would have been delighted. And if I looked back on that now, I’d probably say something like, it was my choice, it was my love story, it made me who I am, and I have no regrets. That wouldn’t have…

Yeah, ok, maybe he was a weird and borderline criminal obsession with teenage girls but on the other hand you have to admit that his movies are some terrible overwritten bullshit. 

Does that mean we’re getting a crossover between Downton Abbey and The Remains of the Day?

Fun fact: parts of the Eyes Wide Shut orgy scene were filmed inside the Downton house.

I once got laughed at by a co-worker who saw me on the subway reading Watership Down and asked me what it was about. I said, “rabbits”. If only I’d made up some shit about it being a lagomorphical allegory of soviet oppression.

This one’s an upside not a downside.

May I submit for consideration, “Pestilencians”?

“Me and Tristan will deal with him and I”

Oh lard, when he was Ben’s crabby Dad on P & R...”We’re a Twizzlers family!”

I once helped The Rock finished a crossword puzzle in an airport lounge long ago. That man takes his crossword puzzles very seriously!

The best response I’ve ever read to “Look, my parents spanked me and I turned out fine!” is “No, you didn’t. You think it is okay to hit little kids.”

Fun fact: My ex-boyfriend’s cousin is the current Duchess of Marlborough. They are both epicly douchey people. And his son (by his first marriage and the future Duke) isn’t any better.

I love the anti-synergy between your (completely amazing and historically correct) comment and the fact that your profile picture is Lucille Bluth.

I’ve got a feeling that this guy isn’t going to call or text her, and will fail to reply back to any voicemails or texts she leaves for him.

I did one! See my posted comment.

I don’t know where to put this observation so I’ll leave it with you, Jer: How in the world did the topic ever come up?

Or as it’s known in NYC, the Trump.

Enough is enough. Call me politically incorrect if you want, but it’s time to do a little pre-emptive profiling: round up all crackers named “Dylan.”

And yet when I tweet my doctor for a refill on Xans, he tells me “get some help” and “I have a PhD in econometrics, I’m not that kind of doctor.” 

The ghost of Shirley Jackson seems to be hanging over these proceedings; ready to cast the first stone.