Yea, verily, if thou shalt be female or if thou shalt be in possession of melanin, thou shalt be restricted from the Sacrament of the Blessed Do-Over.

oh, we sure do

Sigh. Why WOULD anyone want to do that with Mitchell??

I miss Crow’s New Hair: he would have mentioned this lovely scene from “Mitchell”

I went to high school with Tender Lea Mount.

I went into a Tim Hortons a couple years back and the kid behind the counter was Maverick. He was new, so his name tag read “Maverick in Training” and I thought that alone justified naming your kid Maverick.

I’m cracking up that THE lifehack is get a parrot. Regularly lose your keys, it’s parrot time. Eggs stick to the pan, parrot. I wasn’t meaning to sass you about a grammar thing at all, really enjoyed the comment.

I looked up prince phillip’s wiki page to find his age, and saw that he is from the house of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg, for which I think you have to put on lederhosen just to pronounce correctly.

For some reason I had it in my head that AJ basically was Rayanne (fucked up party girl) and I was like wow good for her, she must have made a lot of changes

“I don’t have a frog in my pocket.” (Best small child preemptive denial I’ve ever heard.)

My parents got married 9 months after meeting. They were happily married until my Dad passed away but on their honeymoon they got lost and my Mom took out a map to try to figure out where they were going. At some point, my Dad calmly took the map, crumpled it into a ball, rolled the window down and threw it out…

Omg thank you! “Take my hand with your glove of love!” The best. And I love the girlfriend, Starla - “Can I have the keys to the car, lover? I feel like changing wigs.”

I don’t know why, but the way you said “that’s AGGRESSIVE aggressive” reminds me of one of my favorite lines from The Simpsons, when Bart joins a boy band but it turns out the boy band is really using subliminal messaging to get people to join the Navy. When Lisa confronts Bart’s manager, LT Smash (i.e. Lieutenant…

Did you see Debra Messing put E! on blast? Giuliana was like the Homer-receding-into-the-bushes gif.

I don’t trust those RC Cola guys.  Royal Crown?  Who died and made them king of Soda?!

I just verbally told this list to fuck off. I startled my cat and had to apologise.

Mushy oats straight from the fridge! Why not enjoy the same delicious breakfast that (I imagine) they serve inmates in a federal prison— all in the comfort of your own home!!

In case your breakfast mush wasn’t mushy enough.

 it’s a list of all the reasons to keep living...

Sweet potatoes suck. If you want to have potatoes that are sweet, then put sugar on your regular potatoes like a god damn American.