Also, a few months ago, a colleague of mine tripped in front of Ben Roethlisberger and he laughed.

Shut up, we love living in our own misery... :P

New Yorkers Uncomfortable, World Stops. - News

Actually, I think the worst is the one where the dad doesn’t even address you and just says quietly through gritted teeth “get over here” with rage in his eyes. Or, if it’s really bad, doesn’t even say anything and just stealthily strides over to you in half a heartbeat like some goddamn wraith.

Umm, they passed this in IL 5 or 6 years ago. They just recently said they’re going to enforce it (they won’t).

1st gear: I can’t wait until the awesome day finally comes that we have passed enough laws to make the world safe to go out into and explore. Utopia will be so wonderful. I wonder how many laws (and years) that will be. Gee, I so hope I live to see that day. Maybe they will pass a law that requires me to live that…

I know what you’re thinking.

Wear a suit? To think I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.

Cinnamon rolls.

Keep it around; you never know when you might inherit a nice set of silver and need a strong solvent to polish it up.

He had a disproportionate amout of oops to alleys here

Guacamole with boiled eggs make an excellent egg salad

(can also apply to Rebel Wilson after the first movie)

Well that’s good because if there was one problem with his effort it was that he was writing too much.

Couldn’t care le.... oh wait... oh praise god....

Excuse some of us for predating the internet.

Ride on the truck bed they said. It’ll be fun they said.

By the way, the kids have not banned Shirtless Dad yet.