As bankruptcy judges sometimes say, you can live in your car but you can’t drive your house to work.

HELOC’s are just what the acronym stands for: it’s a line of credit of a specific amount, that the homeowner can draw upon as desired for a certain period of time, generally called the draw period. You can (or at least 20 years ago you could) write checks against the HELOC just like a normal checking account. Once the…

Then how would you know if your friends had kids?

You want an equivocal and stupid reason to have kids? How about being the “end of the line,” so to speak. Barring a Tony Randall by a relative, I’m the last chance for my last name to make the next generation in this country.

My dad bought a Tempo (from a rental-car agency, no less) shortly before I went to college. I like to think it was the unexpected timing of the purchase rather than the merits of the car itself that led to the purchase, because the only decent thing about that car was the adjustable lumbar-support balloons in the…

A buddy of mine owned a Taurus back in the 90's and used to refer to the car like this, but never went so far as to re-badge the car.

I’m not willing to seriously consider this proposal until we can get rid of the unfortunate habit of beginning every statement made online with an unnecessary “So.”

Abusing parking laws? Amateur. In Chicago the mayor ignores the actual driving laws. One-way travel and stop signs are for rubes!

Hell would be doing a crossword puzzle written by Reggie Miller. I could probably just tune his ass out if I was doing one with him.

To be fair, the author did say “most.”

You take/tow the car to a recognized charity (no Human Funds allowed) and get a receipt for the donation. You can write it off for the KBB retail value, but the problem with that is that the current version of the tax code only allows you to deduct what the charity gets for your clunker. The charity is supposed to…

When I was growing up (back when classified ads were the only way to sell to an audience) there used to be a bunch of smaller versions of this in the parking lots of the grocery stores in the area. There would almost always be 3-5 cars in the row of spaces closest to the road with “For Sale” signs in the windshield.

Illinois. It may have been an Antique Vehicle plate, but I’m fairly confident that it was the standard plate.

That’s almost as self-aware as the 70's Stingray I saw last week (curse me for missing the picture opportunity) with “Phallic” as the license plate.

Damn you, Fnog!

+1 for the loose tooth anecdote. That’s a real Dad Move right there.

What if your mother isn’t available?

OT, but I refuse to believe that any pizza place that sells “pies” is worth the effort.

I never knew there was a Czech community of any size in Texas. I wonder if that’s where they all went when they left Berwyn, IL.

I was not a mature person.