Well according to the trademark court, Joe doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

“America’s Dullest Event Crasher Attempts to Liven Up Sports’ Dullest Rivalry”

10:21 am BREAKING Cuban now driving through downtown San Antonio, looking for the place in the Mercado for fresh chorizo. CORRECTION: He is looking for Mexican sausage. CORRECTION TO THE CORRECTION: My sources are telling me chorizo IS Mexican sausage and that tweeting about sausage reveals subconscious homosexual…

-Orlando- City? Who’s the Premier league NOW?

“He doesn’t just sit around the house, he sits AROUND the house..

(DeAndre Jordan goes to sign contract) (misses signature line entirely, stabs self in forearm) I’ll work on that in the offseason

DeAndre: Thanks for hanging out all night, guys. Glad to have re-signed with you (Jordan trips on rug, tearing ACL)
CP3: HA-ha!

Reports: Adam Schefter tears rotator cuff throwing shit against the wall in a vain attempt to have something stick

Doc: Come on back, DeAndre

I’m afraid this news is bad, Mr. and Mrs. Mettenbeger.

Thank God Chris has his amnesia-proof shirt on.

“Sorry judge, in the case of the State vs. Donovan McNabb, we the jury are deadlocked”

“Marshawn, we need an expert dialogue writer to doctor this up” (Marshawn furrows his brow) “You know, dialogue. The art of two people speaking back and forth.” (Marshawn shrugs, holds up silent film card “I Don’t Give a Shit About That”)

Better keep all gas cans away from symbolic protest-minded Buddhist monks until this unconscionable outrage is remedied.

So a bunch of tiny robot toys from the 1980s have a soccer team, but still none for the Confederacy? I knew FIFA was corrupt but this takes the bottle of scotch

I think the hedge fund manager-owners should take a hard line on this, after all they have all the built-up goodwill and trust that comes with their profession.

No big deal, he’s being propped up by Tony Kornheiser right now. Related: Tony Kornheiser in hospital with three compressed vertebrae.

It’s no match for the ‘81 Sugar Hill funk/rap classic “He’s a Brick.. Owski”

Neil Best? NEIL BEST?! Dammit that’s a Rovell dummy account /blocked /reported

In related news, Jake from State Farm just signed with Prudential for less money in order to escape that toxic work environment.