I live with a teenager right now. This is how she lives.

It’s like these people have never talked to teenagers. Of course they mouthed off. They are teenagers. No one understands them and Brian won’t return their calls and they just want to wear hoodies and write terrible poetry and also go get Chipotle and hang out at the mall and maybe write study for that PreCalc final…

Glad to delight you :) And don’t worry about me, I’m quitting for a whole list of reasons. (One being that despite my eight week notice, my boss isn’t sure he can find someone in time to replace me.)

Oh sweet summer child, I am required to play classical piano and opera. It is my personal hell.

You are in good (?) company there.

As a manager, all my hiring decisions have to be approved by the owner. Every time I run someone by him, he asks, “Is she married? How old is she?” And I always tell him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t ask.” Then he gets flustered and says, “Well, of course. You can’t ask that. But...if you had to guess?” This is not ok.

Good feeling gone

Nah man, this past weekend got stoned and ate a whole watermelon. Best decision all weekend.

I’m in love with the way she says, “It’s the law.” Like it’s just so fucking obvious. ICYMI, it’s the law. Love it.

I really, really wish this were a case of “We dated the same person!” and not “Why are there so many assholes who threaten to kill themselves when you try to leave them?”

You should teach a class. You can call it “Success for Women Does NOT Automatically Mean Failure For You, You Twit.”

I have that exact conflict. I’ve cut Woody Allen movies out of my collection, but every now and then I really wanna watch Annie Hall (for Diane Keaton). The question becomes where do we draw the line? There have been some really awful rumors about Bill Murray, does that color the way we watch Ghostbusters? Woody Allen…

“I do not cry over broken windows, I cry over broken necks.”

...not to be a downer, but i work with a high school student who told me she couldn’t wait to vote for Ted Cruz.

Good call, but I’d still wear the fuck out of that dress.

Or Taylor and Karlie are having a sleepover and doing prank calls:

#limegate #whysomanylimes #stuffmygodsaysprobably #blessed

Only tangentially related, but this is the prank I wish I would have pulled off in college. Make up a person and tell people, “Oh yeah, Joe and I did this last weekend.” Or when people get really drunk: “Joe came over and we all got stoned and ate pizza. And you keep going until everyone is convinced that they know…

It’s the old George Carlin joke: “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

Shit’s not so great in Wisconsin, and he is notoriously anti-union so that might trip him up. We’ll just have to wait and see. I hate that man and his damn punchable face.