This is actually Brock telling Emmanuel “Come play quarterback for me. I can’t do this.”

No. You’re missing the point. The point is that nobody, and I mean nobody, needs to be able to buy an AR.

As opposed to 4 cups of coffee each with enough milk/cream/half&half to make a tall glass of milk? Is that adult enough?

I think we should be more worried about BIG FIG.

Ooo.. for only $400 I can get a private consultation with Vivian herself!

Nah, I hear what you’re saying, but the numbers say post turnarounds are massively inefficient, as NBA shots go, whereas an open three is about as good a shot as an offense can generate. LeBron’s gonna have to hurt teams with that turnaround over an extended period of time before that calculus will budge. Remember,…

Honestly, only a fucking DC team could spend an offseason talking shit about failing to advance further in the postseason.

Your 10 year old is not a millennial. We’re like fucking 30 now dude.

The truly amazing part of this story is that it took a teenage boy more than four strokes to finish.

From the Reading Comprehension Tees

I’ll almost surely be dead.

In every way possible the very last person you would ever expect to be employed by Barstool.

Yes

Thank you for standing up for the rights of Goof-Americans

I was expecting the part you quoted to have some obvious cretin-ism, but I guess I am missing it.

Bill Simmons wants you to know that he met Tucker Max at a house party being thrown at Dane Cook’s house and he and Dane agree that Bill Simmons is nothing like Tucker Max.

You don’t like veggies, just just like ranch. You’re like my five year old who could basically eat a meal of ketchup if we let her.

I’ll do you one better, the overhead bins should lock upon landing and only be opened once everyone without overhead luggage has disembarked. I’ve got to sit and wait on the plane an extra 10 minutes while Drew and the rest of the mouth breathers pulls down 3 overstuffed carry-on bags each? That’s bullshit.

Stop bringing carry-on bags that won’t fit under the seat in front of you on planes. Just stop doing it. You will instantly be 100x calmer during the entire process, as you sit and watch all the idiots stand in line (or even better, stand in line just to wait for their section to be allowed to stand in line) so they…

What’s that about touching the base of people’s pickles?