God's nightgown! I spit upon the mewling elf-skinned GOP. Mike Hucksbee is a craven horn-beast foot-licker if ever I saw one.

I never threatened in any way, but I was the mom that wanted her to try on 2 dresses I liked. She liked them fine and looked cute in them, but didn't light up like she did with THE dress.

I wore my mom's dress. As she handed over the box to me, she said, "I'm sure you will have to take it in A LOT. I was very chunky in 1968." Cut to me trying on the dress a few weeks later at the alteration place. Dress fit me like a glove. That was like delayed shade.

... and for goodness sake's, if you're offering to pay for the dress, in part or in full, do not threaten to withhold the money if the bride doesn't pick out exactly what you had in mind.

This is an important and correct thing to point out.

Kathy has nothing on Mama Joyce

Team Cat Heaquarters Here,

Between this and Zach Galifinakis, it's been an interesting day.

He looks like a Mennonite construction worker now.

Taking a Stand: The Brave Journey of the Pizza Fork Heroes and Their Brave Struggle for Social Acceptance

Yeah. I can't make jokes about Tom Cruise being a weirdo Scientologist anymore because it's just not funny to me. It's so, so goddamn sad. All of it.

I do too when I eat pizza in a nice shirt. You can use your fork ti fend off anyone who comes at you. ;)

So ... Admittedly, I sometimes eat the first couple of bites if pizza with a fork if I'm at a restaurant because HELLO! I want to eat the pizza ASAP, I can't be waiting to eat my pizza.

I eat pizza with a fork.

COME AT ME BRO

That's probably what I would have done, but 1) I have years of practice serving "peanut, no ear" and "thigh salad" to people like that, so I'm fluent in idiot, and 2) we're reading this from a comfortable distance, with plenty of time to reflect and without our jobs or personal safety on the line. It's hard to make…

The moment at which you start screaming and hurling swears at an employee is the moment at which you deserve absolutely no sympathy or understanding whatsoever.

I'm just going to share this story from last Saturday. A good money-making night- the restaurant is packed, we're trying to turn over tables. Of course half of them are fucking campers. So when another 8 top of 40 something year olds roll in, I'm begging my manager to give them to me. Bright eyed and with an imaginary…

I'm not sure how it happened, but I have never dated this type of guy. Every one have them has been a generous tipper and pleasant dining companion.

"I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady"

Oh god, I swear I had Coffee Latte's husband the other day. Never in my life have I felt the stupidity ratio in a room rise so rapidly as when this guy opened his mouth.